How to have a stress-free parenting life?

It’s interesting, interesting and beautiful to make the leap from coupledom to baby-makes-three. It’s exhausting, exasperating, and worrisome as well— a mixture that can be poisonous to the romantic connection that first made you parents.

First of all, the bad news: it takes a lot of time and energy to maintain a post-baby marriage, exactly what you have the least right now. Now the encouraging news: it pays off in spades to work on your relationship. Without all the energy that has been spent (read: wasted) growing resentful of each other, you will have to spend more on enjoying each other.

The problem: duplicate domestic responsibilities, as does your bickering.

Of course, there was still a laundry before there was a child. And dishes and other detestable duties of the family. But there have never been so many things that so rapidly had to be done. Once you have a baby, you cannot procrastinate about tasks. And now both you and your spouse feel like the other doesn’t pull their mother lode share.

“Women tend to believe if they say what needs to be looked after, the other individual will volunteer to do it. But males often react better to direct demands.” Also, say thanks to your man after completing a job effectively. It may not seem fair because you may never be told the same, but it will make your spouse more receptive to future demands. And the atmosphere of niceties is less combative.

The problem: You cancel each other’s parenting styles.

It’s good to believe you’d share the philosophies of child-rearing, but often it’s difficult to predict how you’ll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you smack with your child in the middle of your fourth night. This is not the perfect moment to find that while you are in favor of a sleep-training technique that allows your kid to weep, your wife will not be able to cope with tears for any moment. There are also methods to compromise on more severe problems, such as sleeping or feeding. You need to follow fixed rules for certain things— such as when to begin solids. Talk about what’s recommended to your pediatrician. Look at parenting books and articles that support the distinct sides for problems such as sleep (i.e., co-sleeping vs. sleep coaching). Then talk about what’s best to do.

The problem: It’s now family time for couples always

You are always together, but not alone anymore. It’s challenging to jump from a twosome to a family, whether you’ve been a couple for years or just met and wanted to have a child rapidly.

The solution has two components here. First of all, you need to plan time together, Lindquist says. But in addition to dates, schedule short “sessions,” where you can raise problems of family and baby care such as a doctor’s appointment or which stroller to purchase.

The second aspect of the solution is to enable yourself solitary time. “Don’t look at your family’s moment as a poor thing,” Lindquist suggests. “Look at it as a gift to them because you’re coming back fresh and happy.” This goes both ways: Yes, if that makes you happy, you should proceed with your three book clubs, but then you should indulge your spouse when he wishes to train for the marathon.

The problem: On your own you don’t get any time off.

Caring for a child is such an all-consuming job that you are fortunate to make it to the supermarket in your “free moment.” It can feel like an outrageous indulgence to do something just for yourself. But you’re likely to begin resenting each other when you deny yourself or don’t give your partner space.

So, select and make it happen the one activity that is critical to your health or identity.

Diminish your expectations. There will be no three-hour bicycle rides. You’re both going to be walking water for the first three months, not living. “You can begin to reclaim some of your own lives in the center of the third month,”

The problem: Grandparents are on the scene and want a lot of baby time.

The solution here is boundaries. No matter how generous they were with gifts or babysitting time, you have the right to say no. More importantly, you are entitled to ask your husband to talk with his parents. Another health-saving approach is to choose particular times that are preferable for you during the week when they can come by. If your parents feel like you’re giving them time, they’re going to be less pushy.

The question: Money is more important than you assumed

There’s no doubt that cash is a huge stressor for new parents, “people think they don’t have enough money to raise a family, and they’re just freaking out.” New parents, who might be new owners or consider buying a house, are often overwhelmed by finances. “You’re not going to get your child out of anxiety about cash, so you’re going to get your wife out of it.”

How to maintain the relationship?

1. Instead of making sweeping character indictments, ask for particular behavioral modifications. Instead, “You’re never doing anything here,” try to say, “Please purchase more baby wipes when you realize we’re getting small.”
2. Excuse ASAP for a nasty zinger or a fake charge.
3. Don’t attempt to worry about reading. Ask, “How are you feeling?”
4. Paraphrase your partner’s saying. For example: “You’re angry because on weekends I don’t believe I’m watching the child enough. Is that correct?”
5. Limit your statements to two or three phrases and provide an opportunity for your partner to react.
6. Evite the tat tit. Instead of focusing on how you can fix the issue, “You believe I left the kitchen a mess? You left it worse yesterday.”
7. Hold your hands and look at each other, as difficult as in the center of a battle.
8. Let go of the past, and at the same time solve one problem.
9. If a battle gets too heated, take a 20-minute break.
10. Finally, “Is there anything else that we need to talk about?”