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5 Things New Moms Never Talk About

From the moment you see that positive pregnancy test, or for some of us even long before that, we start to read and prepare as much as we can for the noble phase of motherhood.

These “Instagram moms” tend to make it look so easy. What you don’t tend to see, is that there are some common struggles that every new mom has to go through that people don’t talk about.

1. Not bonding with your baby immediately.

Once it is in the air that you are expecting, the bombardment of congratulations and advice coming from all your friends, family and even the people you don’t know you knew. One of the most common things you will hear is that when your baby is on your breasts, you will feel a gush of love and emotion. Makes sense it seems. Well believe it or not, it doesn’t always happen right away.
The fact is, that the bond may not just happen right away in a jiffy. This can bring on some feelings of shame or inadequacy for new moms but just know that this does not make you any less of an amazing mother. The connection will come in its own time,in its own way and IT IS perfectly OKAY to not feel it right away.

2. The loneliness and darkness that can set in.

Becoming a new mom is a big change. It is One that comes with a whole new set of innumerable responsibilities. Throw in an extra amount of whacky hormones, and there, you got yourself stuck on one crazy roller-coaster. Baby blues are very common responses to the change of hormones and the constant sleep deprivation in the beginning days of motherhood. You could feel really irritable sometimes anxious and weepy. You can spend the whole day wondering why you’re crying, and would never find a real reason at all. Hormones are so funny at times. Baby blues should only last for a few days to a few weeks. But what is important, is to understand your feelings. When it gets tricky, is when it lasts for longer periods of time or the feelings become more intense. This is when the term Postpartum Depression comes into play. When people hear the word depression, they think about the worst possible scenario, but it comes in all different forms and it’s like a buffet of the depressions to choose from. PPD can come on even six months to a year after having a baby. Not treated, it can become a condition very serious. Self care is something that mom’s tend to put on the back burner, but it is an extremely important aspect of motherhood. If you find yourself not wanting to get out of bed sometimes, or not wanting to shower or even sometimes change your underwear (yes, many women have been there), you should ask for help.

3. Not knowing who you are anymore.

When you become a mom, you tend to immerse yourself in everything of the baby and it suddenly becomes your focus and your entire life. Your routines suddenly change, and you don’t have that freedom or want to do things that you used to. Rather than spending saturday night at a party, you’re sitting on the couch with an irritable infant and a cold dinner that you really can’t touch yet. Your body is different well in fact everyone’s is, so you obviously wear clothes that are more quotient for comfort instead of style. Those fantastic TV shows or books that you started on are now collecting dust because when you have a moment, all you want to do is get in that quilt and sleep before the kiddo wakes you up again as soon as possible. But It is valuable to keep something for yourself. Something which is as simple as finding a hobby that can help bring joy into your days whenever it is you’re feeling lost. all you might just need is a dramatic change in a positive way to set you on track to finding yourself again.

4. How friendships change.

Every mom is going to experience some changes in her previous friendships after having her baby. Maintaining her previous relationships after the baby is born is pretty difficult. Parenthood is as it is time consuming and occupies mothers physically and mentally. Our needs and wants as mothers, change, when it comes to the important people in our lives.and The harsh truth is, some of our relationships will not withstand the change to motherhood. Being a mom means that sometimes you just don’t have the energy or the time to get out of those yoga pants you have been wearing for 2 days just to meet up with somebody at the local coffee. Rather than bragging about your 2 a.m. stories the night before, you would want to talk about how you got the first official smile from your sweet kiddo. You start to feel like you don’t fit in with your childless friend group anymore and that your friendships slowly start to gain distance because they don’t relate or understand the anxiety that you feel when you even think of something like leaving your baby with somebody else. The loneliness of motherhood is absolutely real, and it’s hard for new moms to admit how lonely they get sometimes.

5. Sex and intimacy after baby.

The first time you might have intercourse after having a baby can feel like you’re about to do the act for the first time ever. You’ll have 6 weeks of healing to go through, which also signifies that you have 6 weeks to overthink the whole thing. When the day finally arrives, you might not even feel ready. It is imperative to be open with your partner about all your worries and thoughts. It may just be possible that after holding a baby all day long, you are drained out and getting intimate is probably the last thing on your mind. Maybe it’s difficult for you to get turned on because of so many thoughts that keep running through your head, and making you want to go check on the baby. Maybe you are feeling self conscious of your own body and the way it has changed over the past few days. The best thing to practice, is patience, both for yourself and your partner. Every couple goes through this.

The changes we as mothers have to navigate through are too much to handle.We all tend to experience the same kind of changes going through the phase of motherhood, and it’s important to lean on someone and reassure yourself that you are never alone. Although we have to learn to let go of the old parts of ourselves, and discover new ones we should embrace the change with open arms. Do not be afraid to have a conversation about it. Cheers!!

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